My new website

One big project that I am working on, thanks to my Digital Marketing Certification course at George Brown college, is my website on Indian Regional Cinema. 

What’s my story?

How many movies do you watch in a week? 1, 2, 5? I watch at least 6 movies

a week. Not just for the story telling but the technicality and art. In plain

words, I am a cinephile.

As Bong Joon Ho said, “Once you overcome the 1-inch-tall barrier

of subtitles, you will be introduced to so many more amazing films”. And I

totally agree with him.

I watch movies of all languages. However, I am partial to movies from India.

One because I lived there for 3 decades and two just because I see that there

is a dire lack of screenings for Indian Regional movies in the GTA.

Pondering over the reason, I found that there is a lack of dialogue, a

community or content around Indian regional movies. Of course, there is a

lot on “Bollywood movies”.

So, this is my passion project. I want to talk about Indian regional cinema,

see if I can lure non-natives towards it and build a community who enjoy

good Indian movies.

So, this is the URL to my website - Indian Regional Cinema Club

There are two blog posts that I wrote here:

Introduction post

Who are we? What do we want to do?

Letting Go

Liberation is to let go. Letting go of your possessions, your sentiments, your comfort zone, your control on life. No thrill equates the feeling of uncertainty, of not knowing what you are going to be doing the next minute. 

It is a task for people of (even) my generation to even imagine this. I learnt this during my Canadian PR journey. When we (me and hubby) were in the process of applying for a PR, we used to get asked, "Do you have a job there?" as the first question, the next would be, "Do you have any friends / relatives there?" and then questions on house, schooling and expenditures follow. When we reply that we do not have a job yet and we are not sure of where we are going to stay, people used give a horrified stare. People are not ready to believe that we can take life as it comes. There always has to be a plan. We want to be sure of what is going to happen the next minute, hour, day, week, month and year. When someone deviates, we are seen as outlandish. 

My husband, at one point in time, was also one in the crowd. He would not let go, he did not believe that we can survive without a job, without a plan. I tried hard and persuaded him, he half-heartedly agreed. Even now, after 10 days of experiencing uncertainty, living without a plan, his old, controlling mind peeps out now and then. But, life has been very good so far, thanks to my cousin and his family - someone who we will be grateful for, all life. 

We never thought that we will have a place to stay, staple food to eat, internet to stay connected. But all these are happening,  thanks to them. When we left India, we never imagined this treatment, we were prepared to sleep in a basement (we did not even carry a single piece of bedding). Yes, we are blessed, there are people who have to sleep in a basement. The point is, letting go of control has not been a curse for us. I will write even when it turns to be one. 

This has been an experiment as well as an experience for us. Thankfully, one that turned out positive. Anything could have happened, we could have had to spend a fortune on AirBnB's, we could have had to eat all new food, we could have not had anything to sleep on, we could have not been able to call home, we could have been miserable with a kid, we could have regretted the decision of moving. 

It may even seem stupid that we did not plan well, that too with a kid. Yes, there are things that we could have done different like bringing a dual sim mobile, bringing in more money or at least having been well-informed on how to transfer money from India to here - these 2 are the most important hurdles for us so far, I'll write down when there are more. Even then, the experiment has been favorable.

As a Ajith movie's dialogue goes, "En vaazhkaila ovvoru naalum, ovvoru nimishamum, en ovvoru nodiyum naane sedhukkinadhu daaaa..." Sometimes, it pays to not follow that :)

P.S.: Our journey of uncertainty has been possible because of fellow human beings and humanity. Let us all believe in and practice the same and enjoy the wonder of life! :)  

Simple life?

Re-reading all your draft posts are really inspiring, sometimes shocking, sometimes meh.

What we write at several points in time is largely based on our experiences / imaginations we had at that time.

When words fail, when you do not know what more to write, writing more helps! Read it again, how ironic, writing helps you write more. Living helps you live more? Sleeping helps you sleep more?!

Hopes and Dreams

Dreams are the elixir of human life.

With the hope that we will be alive tomorrow, we plan today. With the hope that someone will stay true, we plan our life together. With the hope that things will happen in our favor, we make decisions.

What is the seed of our hope? It is our dreams. We want to live life just as good as we imagine (our dreams). Dreams do not have a logic, do not check practicality, not even feasibility or eligibility. Dreams are above boundaries,  they are limitless, with no borders, no rules, no logic.

Coming to think of hopes again, it seems hope, also to a large extent, is like dream. We do not know if our hope is baseless, still we hope.

What happens if our hope gets shattered? We feel disappointed. What if it gets shattered the second time? We start doubting our hope. But the human heart is so stupid that it hopes to hope the same hope over and over and over again that it gets numb of hoping. Still it doesn't stop hoping.

Why, oh, Why?!

Because heart is also to a great extent like dream. It has not learnt it's limits. Failure after failure, defeat after defeat, conceit after conceit, it still hopes for success, victory and trust. It's like a baby that keeps going to the mother even after several times of getting ignored by the latter. Babies aren't stupid but heart is.

Why, oh, Why?!
Is life so complicated?
Is heart so stupid?
Is dream so baseless?
Is brain ignored several times?
Is brain dominated by heart?

Huh. Cos, after all, dreams are the elixir of human life and things are meant to be. 

Dad!

Lonely, depressed and fatigued.

That is all needed for a life to go miserable.

Thank you very much!

Sometimes, not taking care of one's own health is the biggest crime one can commit. This is one crime that'll have a lifelong impact on others, not the one who commits it.

Thank you very much!

Thanks for stealing all our peace, thanks for making us wander ever depressed, thanks for letting us crave for answers to questions unanswered, thanks for frightening us now and then, thanks for leaving a big hole, thanks for making us realize that unexpressed love and affection can also hurt deep, thanks for everything, except one thing. No thanks for dying.

Thank you very much!

It's been very happy to hear mom talk the way she does now, feels elated to know how she thinks you treated her. May be u wanted to treat her better one day but that one day never came at all. So, thanks again for teaching the lesson, take the opportunity when it is on hand. You cud have expressed your love or gratitude at least during the 15 apollo days.

Thank you very much!
Thank you very much!
Thank you very much!! 

On getting cheated

Hmmm.. To cheat is a great skill, coherence of lies should be maintained.
To get cheated is an equal as well. Needs no talent, no brain is to the advantage of a cheater.
But what do you think of someone who can cheat so intellectually. Showing that someone's a good friend, still have mal-intentions, outwardly genuine, inwardly, scared to think what this person will be inwardly!

Wow! Getting cheated by someone whom you trusted is such a great feeling. Am feeling the stab for the second time in my life. Wow! It feels great, really. Each time you get stabbed, its a wow, just wow. The feelings that follow is utter horrible. But the moment of stab and the time till it gets sinked in, it is just euphoric. Out of the world, out of mind, out of the sole purpose of life. Wow! Just Wow!

My dear cheater, you have won my heart in many ways than one. How coherently you have been lying to me all these days! How did you manage to not miss the continuity! How good a story did you form! And kept it so logical, so logical that I believed everything like a blind goat. Is this how a friendship is supposed to be? But I think I got outta your trap at the right moment. The things you started sharing with me, I thought it was true friendship, but now I can see what other intentions you might have had?! What if I had let you continue the story? Where would it have ended?

My dear begone friend, I feel so stupid and dumb for my own self for having spoken all those words of concern to you, for having shared all your "troubles". I feel so stupid on seeing how could somone be so stupid to have got cheated this way! You have made me make like a fool of myself, thank you. Thanks for showing me how bad can I get cheated.

The first time, I knew for quite sometime that I am getting cheated. But this time though it was an unexpected blow. Thank you very much for that. Thanks for showing me that cheaters can be of any form, can manipulate people to whatever extent. And most of all thanks for showing myself, How I get cheated easily(?!) Ha, you really won my dear betrayer friend.

My Valentine's day

I generally do not like to put up posts on my matrimonial relationship. This post is because a chain of thoughts were triggered when a couple of colleagues asked me what plans I had for the Valentine's day that just passed. Main reason for that being I had a love marriage, well I chose my partner, my valentine :) (He fought real hard to marry me <3 <3).The answer for the question was, I did not even wish my husband on the Valentine's day!

Now, I was very worried at the realization, the immediate response was has the love vanished?
But something said, no.
Then a fleet of questions followed.
What happened to the wishes? Gifts?
Calling at 12 in the night (morning?!) to wish on valentine's day? Meet ups?

The answer to all those questions is this post. This is more like a note-to-self kind of post :)

I feel so amused when I recollect Valentine's days of the past. How we weren't able to spend any Valentine's day together before we got married :D The couldn't-be-with-you-this-valentine's messages, Miss you messages, cheesy ones, angry ones. Stealthy meet ups, secret gifts and calls, what not! :D :D

Numerous love yous and miss yous replaced with reached office and reached home replaced with kid's back home and kid ate well. I realize that the love has not vanished but has matured with us, grown with us. In yesteryears, we used to express our love using words, wishes, gifts. Now those are replaced by actions and thoughtfulness.

When I was in great pain after my c-section on the hospital bed, he said I love you in the form of a kiss on my hand when I expressed my pain. My acknowledgement to him for the same was when I decided to get back to work after resigning my job to share his pain of finances though I knew it pains me to leave my kid under the care of someone else.

When he agreed to wear a poonal just because he has to have one to do certain rituals with my family, I got myself accustomed to his family way of praying and celebrations. Can there be a better whatever-for-you message than this?

This morning, when I was not even able to get out of the bed, he just said be-there-for-you-forever by making breakfast and getting the kid ready to school. He got the reply back when I helped him when he was struggling to feed the kid.

These and many more. Oh, yes, I did not wish my husband, my valentine, on the Valentine's day that just passed. But we wish each other and pass messages of love each and everyday through whatever we do for one another. Am so happy to experience this next stage of love :)

Post dedicated to my dear Valentine G <3 :)