Nostalgia and Passing it On

 I have very vivid memories of visiting the Meenakshi Amman Temple in Madurai when I was little. 

I was very lucky to have grandparents who lived in the "town," near the temple. We used to walk to the temple on Fridays to worship Meenakshi. Google maps tell me that the distance from my Grandparents' place to the temple is about 2kms - which is far for a 4 to 6 year old. 

As "Madurai Karanga," we are supposed to visit Meenakshi first and then Sundareswarar. That is the "Idheegam" my Grandma used to say. We never visit the Sundareswarar sannidhi first. Sometimes, we only visit Amman Sannadhi and come home! Such ardent Meenakshi fans we are 😊

As a child, one of the motivations to make the 2 + 2 km hike back & forth is the prasadam stall within the temple. I loved the appam and murukku they sold. We go to Amman sannidhi, Swami Sannidhi, say hello to the Mukkuruni Vinayagar and on the way back to Amman Sannidhi (yes, that's the be all and end all place 😊) is the prasadam stall!

We buy appam and murukku (It's a lucky day if we get our own appam and murukku without having to share) and sit on the steps of the massive (then) theppakkulam. There is a mandapam with a gopuram in the middle of the water like an island. The God & Goddess are taken there on specific days which I don't recollect well now. Anyways, the theppakkulam is always well-lit. Sitting on the steps in the late evening, around 7pm when it's dark, with the lights from the theppakkulam and temple lamps illuminating the area, eating my favourite appam and murukku is one of my cherished childhood memories! 😍 The culmination of my temple visits 😊

I wanted to re-create all these memories for my child this time as we were taking her to the Meenakshi Amman temple. When my daughter was sick and was undergoing surgeries, I prayed to bring a healthy, walking child to the temple which we were able to accomplish this time. 

We took her to the temple the same way my Grandparents took me and my sister when we were young. First to the mottai Gopuram Muneeswarar Sannidhi, then Amman Sannidhi, Swami Sannidhi and Mukkuruni Vinayagar. 

As we returned to Amman Sannidhi, the child in me was overjoyed on what's coming next - prasadam of course 😀 Yes, we did buy appam, murukku and puliyodharai. We also showed her the theppakkulam but we couldn't sit on the steps to eat as there was construction and renovation going on for the upcoming Kumbabishekam (By the way, Haasini read the Tamil word Kumbabishekam correctly! 😊). We had to eat them in a Jigarthanda stall opposite to the temple. The appam was just how I remembered it from my childhood. 

While going around the temple, we kept telling stories of the temple to my daughter. I kept showing the guards statues outside each sannidhi, the Natarajar who changed his dancing leg, described how Shivan and Meenakshi looked within the Garbagraham, showed her the Vennai Anjaneyar, Veerabhadrans, the 108 different types of lingams, 63 Nayanmar statues, Saptha Kanni statues, and so many things. 

After we came out, my daughter asked me - "Amma do you love this temple a lot?"

I was like, "Why do you ask?" 

She replied - "You were like a Chandramukhi showing Ottiyaanam, nethi choodi back there" 😂😂😂😂😂

The Immigrant Child Remorse

 Just a little heads-up before I start a series of these posts - 

I just came back from a 3-week vacation in India. The next few posts, including this one, will document my observations from my "India days." 

Now to the "Immigrant child remorse" -

As a son/daughter who left parents behind in India, you get to hear this a lot - "You are settled there? You left your parents back home to fend for themselves, right?" 

Sometimes with a sad undertone, sometimes mocking, sometimes angry. But everyone who knows your parents and meets you on your India trip makes sure to ask this question. 

Sometimes the question comes on its own - After a pause in the conversation. Sometimes, while they are talking about the good times they have with your parents, they just inject the question. Sometimes, while talking about their own kids, this question pops up. 

Whatever the situation or the emotion of the question is, what could be the answer? Do you know, reader? 

Have you been in such a situation? Have you been asked this question? What was your reply?

Me? I always answer, "Haha, yes!" And that is all. 

Initially, the question hit me hard. Made me feel guilty. Stole my happiness. A remorse that I've never felt before. At those times, my answer used to be silence. 

Then, I started analyzing - the people who ask the question. Most of the times, they are the ones with children abroad. They experienced the void and the question hung on their heads, unanswered. Because their children wouldn't answer them, they ask it to others' children who are in the same situation. For them, that's my answer - "Haha, yes!"

There are only a very few, who are genuinely concerned. They are the ones who stand by our parents in times of need and emergency. I respect these people and honour the question. To such people, I'm grateful and my reply is silent respect and gratitude. 

Days of contradicting emotions!

I’ve lived 2 consecutive days of contradicting emotions. 

Contradictions within the same day and to what extreme! 😄

First day was Friday, August 1, 2025. 

Before I get into the contradiction, let me share some background on my best friend from Engineering college, V. V and I studied at the same college, got placed in Wipro together, worked on the same final project for Engineering, got trained together at work and were on bench together 😅 Those were the days, the days we forgot gender differences, the days when we shared our biggest dreams, strongest hopes, deepest fears and darkest secrets without the fear of being judged or jealousy (OMG da V, you know too much about me 😅 and vice versa). 

We grew really close during our Wipro days, helping each other navigate both work and life situations. He is one of the three people in my life who are allowed to address me with a “di” (as in “ennadi pandra?”) and that is a special reservation. Our friendship also continued after I left Wipro, got married and he left for the US (he is a scientist brain), got married and I immigrated. I wouldn’t say we were in constant touch but we can go back to Wipro days in just 2 minutes into a call. V is a gem of a person!

Back to August 1, 2025 - That was the day V was coming to the US side of the Niagara Falls. He lives in LA and doesn’t travel to the East often. The previous times he did, I wasn’t in a position to visit him just on the other side of the bridge. Now that I am, I was really eager to go visit him - not realizing that I’m no more the girl who worked for Wipro. And it’s not my fault to build hopes because the last time I saw him was 10 years ago! 

Okay on that day it happened that we couldn’t go to the Niagara Falls, USA because my husband wasn’t able to take a leave. And the fact that I was (am) super non self-sufficient to go by myself was killing me the most of all. Though I had the license, if I just had the courage to drive down by myself. I was angry on myself (total rage actually) for missing the opportunity to meet my dear friend. 

Then the evening rolls in and I remember the plan we had to meet our most favourite family on earth for dinner! And mind you, it was a year since we all met after being in each others’ hair for over a year (they got sick of us 😅). It was a wonderful get together and I felt super elated. In fact, I was waiting for them with the same feeling I had when I was waiting to meet my love for the first time in person lol. 

A very angry and sad day ending on this high a note! Was too much for me to process.

Second day was August 2, 2023

The day we planned to buy remaining gifts for our upcoming trip to India. The plan was to go to the premium outlet mall near Toronto and buy gifts for the wedding couple and a few others and return home in about 3 hours. Simple. 

The daughter didn’t want to come with us initially because the travel is 1 hour (!!) and she will be bored. Then we convinced her saying she is the best gift selector (which she really is).

She always has the habit of reading (blame me!) or sleeping in the car. She sprawls herself in the back seat and sleeps like she is sleeping on her bed at home. That day also she was doing the same, reading and sleeping in the  back seat.

We reached the mall and the multi-level parking was super occupied. We kept going one level after the other looking for a spot for about 10 minites. Finally we found a spot in level 4 and parked our car. We’d go to the Fossil store and buy 3 gifts and that’s it. We all get outside, except that not all of us got outside. My daughter was taking her time. She does that always, has to put on her shoes, fix her hair before stepping outside. But that day, she was taking longer than usual. Because her seat belt got stuck!! 

She’s opened the seatbelt buckle and it just got stuck half way up tightening the grip on her tummy!! Maybe it got tangled because of all the twisting and turning and it wouldn’t let go. We try pulling it out of the hook but it wouldn’t budge. She couldn’t wriggle outside as it was really tight with no wriggle room! Whatever we do nothing was happening except it got a slight bit tighter because of our tries 😖 

Me and my husband were panicking, not knowing whether to cut the seatbelt up or use some technique from YT videos (none of them worked). We were lost, our brains stopped working. We approached the parking guard there for help as we couldn’t think of any more options. 

The parking guard checked and he said that we couldn’t do much without tools and asked us to go to the Canadian Tire nearby to wrench out the lower part of the seatbelt. That sounded like a good idea and we looked up the nearest Canadian Tire. It was 10 mins away. 

The drive there was the hardest and the most revealing of all. My husband and I were scolding my daughter for being careless. The grip on her tummy was tight and she was trying to manage our tempers and the grip and so confused as to what was wrong. When we realized that, we calmed down on the outside but we’re still panicking inside. 

In all of these, my daughter was the epitome of calmness. She wasn’t panicking, she managed the grip on her tummy by inserting a finger between the seatbelt and her tummy and adjusted her position so that it doesn’t hurt her too much. When I told her to not be scared, she said, “I’m not at all scared, I know that you’ll both do something or the other to get me out of here.” 

In those words, I got my sense back. I felt so small in front of my 12 year old child and said that I was really sorry. Asked her to take out her finger and helped her with mine. Shared some soothing words with her which she didn’t seem to need. Even in that situation, the only thing hurting her were our words. Such a gem of a human being our child is!! ❤️❤️

We reached Canadian Tire and got a guy with a Muslim name (it is important that I mention this here as you’ll see) to come to the parking lot to assess the situation . He was super young, maybe just starting out. He came out to take a look and quickly understood the situation. He told my daughter that he’ll help her as quickly as he can. Turns out that the workers cannot get tools outside without work authorization order and it takes time. He brought along another guy who again checked quickly and both of them went back in. The Muslim guy came back out again this time with one more guy and a wrench. He was telling the other guy in Hindi that a child is stuck (Bachcha hai, phasa hua hai). Quickly got to work loosening the screw. He was also taking to my daughter as he worked through it to make her feel comfortable. Got the screw out in 2 minutes and relieved her!!! ❤️❤️❤️ 

Then he told us that he wasn’t allowed to take the tool outside  but he still got it as it was a child who got stuck and brought along another person to be a witness in case he got in trouble. When my husband tried to pay him, he said, “No, no, Allah, Allah, I’m just helping” and walked away. That incident restored my faith in human beings a lot! I’ll never forget the face of that young man and the way he cared for us and went out of his way to help us. I’ll keep the good heart in my prayers ❤️❤️🙏🙏

We were all relieved that my daughter was finally free without any injury. Hugs and kisses and sorrys were shared. We went back to the mall though I had no intention to go back because of everything that happened. We still went. 

I always wanted a rose gold Fossil watch for myself. It’s been my dream for about 5 years to buy one. I’ve never tried on rose gold watches before but I somehow knew from the pictures that it would suite me so well. I saved all watch pictures to be used one day. We were going to the Fossil store to buy gifts.

The thought of the rose gold watch didn’t occur to me till we bought all of our gifts and a few sunglasses. After billing them, we wanted the watches to be engraved with the names of the couple to make it personalized for them. It took 25 minutes for engraving. Meanwhile, we were going around the store looking at other things. There were rose gold watches but not the ones I wanted. I kept looking up pictures of watches I saved and asked the associates if they had those pieces. Most of those designs were outdated or no more made.

There was one last picture that I had and with not much hopes, I asked to see that piece. The associate took me right to the shelf and placed the watch right on my hand!! I was super elated, like a big dream come true! It did suite me, and how well!! 🤩🤩

I wanted to buy it right there and my husband gifted it to me. I couldn’t contain my happiness 😊 We also engraved the watch with my name “Sowmy ❤️” I couldn’t have been happier!

From a scared mom to the happiest person in the world, my emotions again went on a roller coaster that day 😅