It's so fascinating how much a person can change in a span of 7 years!
I'd say that I've experienced the growth of all 30 years in a span of 7 years plus that of those 7 years! That's why life's been so difficult lately. There's always one thing or the other that I have to learn and there is always one level up than where I am.
It is exhausting to keep learning, keep levelling up, keep growing when you are at an age that the world thinks is "old enough." However killing this process is, I won't trade it for anything else because it is as rejuvenating and liberating as it is killing. The rebirth is so worth it.
The word "liberating" is transitioning this post to a much practical and "general world-view" 😄
Re-reading journals or any piece of your writing from the past is enlightening and embarrassing at the same time! One such posts of mine is "Letting Go."
The person who wrote that post (from where I am now) has a fairy-tale view of the world with her rose-tinted glasses on. Doesn't understand the "ways of the world" and was living in her head. Naive and immature for her age.
I'm a 360-degrees different person now but never realized that till I re-read the post a couple nights back (thanks to a friend who randomly asked for the link to my blog). However, the one thing that hasn't changed is the way words pour out of my fingers once the flow is set 💛 As I always say, my brain is directly connected to my fingers than my mouth 😄
Okay - Back to the "Letting Go" post - I'm gonna contradict everything I said in that post.
The act of coming to Canada with no plans, no job and not even a house rented could've been the greatest blunder we ever committed in our life. But thanks to God's grace and a few great people's goodness of heart, we survived. Will I attempt something like that again? Never!!
Thrill of uncertainty? Throw that out of the window. I should either know what is going to happen the next minute or I should exercise control so that I will be in the know. Even when it is a vacation, I have the whole itinerary planned including places we'll eat each meal of everyday!
However, No uncertainties = No growth.
Changing gears a little here (and these topics are somehow coherent in my mind 😁) - There are a few posts in my blog talking about mediocrity and the road not taken - maybe at the time to express my desire for change especially in my career.
I've achieved the change!
From being a developer, I've changed my career path to be a program delivery consultant (oooh sounds fancy!!) doing a wide variety of things that I enjoy 😊
The path was hard - Started with total quitting, realizing that I was an emotional person and rejecting myself, doing random things and wandering random places and obsessing over things or people, unaware that it was all a part of the "soul-searching" process, till I finally happened upon the Digital Marketing course at a college in Downtown Toronto.
Even at the time, I didn't realize that it was me taking steps towards change.
Okay back to uncertainties - my current job is so different from one day to another. I go with a plan and the day throws completely different things at me. I so love the challenge and uncertainty each day brings. Uncertainty - mostly to do with my lack of experience.
Each day is so uncertain that me being me - the control freak, wanted at least some thing in my life to be certain. So took up Mridangam classes (yes, I know!). While playing the Mridangam, I know that if I strike a note, that is exactly what's going to be played. Practicing the instrument restored a sense of control in my life.
However, no uncertainties = no growth. So, I'm going to embrace it as tight as possible.
There are so many other examples of uncertainties - from my child's second surgery to me losing my first job but I choose to keep those stories to myself, for now. I'm sure they'll soon find a place in my blog.
The woman who landed in Canda in 2018 will never be able to understand the woman that I am now. She was too naive, too gullible, too stupid to see the ways of the world and open for others to judge. Basically, a "Paithiyam" as one of my friends call me.
The woman writing this post now is thoughtful and cautious, curious and looks at things from so many different angles; Sees and understands the world's ways, from a practical sense and not in the fairy-tale sense. Her rose tinted glasses are gone for the most part; Has to be in control - of herself, her family and her surroundings because she knows what it is like to not understand and not know.
I love being this person.
That doesn't mean that I don't like the person I was. I'm this because of her. I'm not angry at her and for that matter not even embarrassed of her, rather I understand why she was what she was.
I think that's the way to be - In peace with who you were and accepting the person you are, whole-heartedly! 💛💛💛
If you've been with me so far, this post is just a reminder that you have the permission to be a different person tomorrow, the next week, the next month, the next year or like me, 7 years from now. As a philosopher once said - "Day by day nothing changes but after a while, everything is different!" (Remembering my friend Andrew who loves punctuations and grammar and gets angry when they aren't used properly). So, give yourself the permission to change, to be a different personality altogether or many different personalities that you can pick and choose from. There is just one life but you have the chance to be different personalities/persona. Embrace change and don't be afraid of growth.
Oh, by the way, I just realize that my IG handle is "the_infinity_persona." However, I've never thought about the topic this deep before writing this post. Proves that your sub-conscious mind is always aware of who you are, just that your ego wouldn't accept it 😊
Thanks for reading about my metamorphosis. I'd love to hear your stories of change..
The first line of my LinkedIn bio is, "Change is the only constant." Who knows after 7 more years, I'll cringe at this post and write another contradictory post of more growth. I'm so eager to meet her though I'm well-aware of the hard journey that I may have to take.
