The Run

 I am running

Every minute, every day, all the time!

What am I running towards? I don’t know

What am I looking for? I don’t know 

However, the run is only constant.

Even now when I’m sitting perfectly still, I’m running -

       Towards what I need

        Towards what my soul needs

         Towards what my whole being wants 

         To feel better, to feel happy, to feel alive, to be human

But what is that thing that will make me feel happy?

        What is that thing that will fill my heart and nourish my soul and the human in me? 

I don’t know.

I think that’s why the run is constant. 

Running towards an unknown destination is painful 😖 

The mindless chase, constant search, the forever empty void

I try pouring self-care, self-love, me time, loneliness, meditation and growth into the void to see if it will fill up and make me feel better.

I try dumping blind selflessness, carrying others’ cross, going out of my way to make others feel happy and better, serve my family to the best of my ability - emotionally, physically and financially, lend ears to whoever wants to talk - just to see if the void will budge even a little.

I even try things that I don’t believe in - idol worship, religious chants, worship and devotional songs - NO! 

The void is so cruel that it won’t give in. Till I find out what satisfies the monster finally, I’ll keep running….