I have been wanting to write something "mommie" on my blog for sometime now. I was considering a series on "Why I won't become a mom for the second time"!! Somehow it just doesn't click.
Then today, I happened to read several articles and blogs on mommyhood ranging from grief of losing a child to what a mom wanted to tell her daughter who planned to "have a family". Then it struck me. This is what I had been dying to write about, what a mom should tell a daughter who is planning to expand her family.
A dear friend of mine kept asking a question on several occasions of my life ranging from the time we were planning to have a child to a few months after the baby was born. The question seemed to be a very normal one for me every time it was asked. However, now I realize how powerful a question it is. I realize that if I would have come up with a better answer for it, I might have reversed my decision of having a child or at least postponed the expansion for some more time. The person who asked me the question is not a mother, just that she is a couple years older to me.
The great question that haunts me now is, "What motivated you to decide upon giving birth to a child?". My dear friend who asked the question, if you are reading this, please be informed that the "haunt" word just means I am getting mature :) I know, for all the silly answers I had given you over time would have either made you gape or laugh. How I wish I knew better :) Thank you my dear friend for asking me the question, the stupid brain of me has waken up after 3 to 4 years of the question and lead to this blog.
My first answer to the question was, "My mother once asked me how nice it would be to have a small baby who looks exactly like your husband, with those big eyes of his, just imagine". She hit the nail perfectly. She knew how head over heels (mad actually) in love I was on him (it was almost 2 years into marriage). That was the very first thing that made me think of a having a child. How I wish I had known then that giving birth to a baby is a very normal thing but what comes after that is life-altering (with no offence to people who are struggling with problems in having a family, this is purely an opinion based on my experience).
People, especially elders at home make the young ones believe that having kids is as easy as a breeze. Okay, I hear voices on your mind saying what happened to my rational thinking and spending time on getting to know what it is to have a kid. Yes, I did think of our lives getting changed after a kid, however, no amount of reading and no amount of discussion would give you the real picture of the practical difficulties of having a kid actually. Though I did not buy the point, "Once children are born they will grow up in no time, it is easy", I never thought that having a kid would entirely change one's physical, emotional, mental self (especially of the mom) to a point of no return. Yes, I have changed completely as a person that I do not identify myself as the person I was before becoming a mom.
How I wish someone in the family told me this would happen, all the anxiety, all the fear, all panic, all apprehensions and second thoughts, guilt and doubt . Now, I even come to think that people who are parents already do not want to talk about these difficulties just to have a sadistic pleasure (how mean of me!! I know..). Else, they were all well meaning, in the sense, talking of such things would make us rethink our decision. Whatever, I did not have all the information I now wish I had known then.
My dear friend who asked me the most important question on parenting, I wish I knew the answer for your question at the right time :)
P.S.: After reading the post, you, the reader, may ask me, am I not happy on being a parent? Do I not live my child? My answer would be, I do. I am the most happiest person (rather happiest mommy) in the world to have got an angel as my daughter. I love her more than my life. That is what scares me as a mom. You would understand this if you are a parent, especially a mom. :)
Then today, I happened to read several articles and blogs on mommyhood ranging from grief of losing a child to what a mom wanted to tell her daughter who planned to "have a family". Then it struck me. This is what I had been dying to write about, what a mom should tell a daughter who is planning to expand her family.
A dear friend of mine kept asking a question on several occasions of my life ranging from the time we were planning to have a child to a few months after the baby was born. The question seemed to be a very normal one for me every time it was asked. However, now I realize how powerful a question it is. I realize that if I would have come up with a better answer for it, I might have reversed my decision of having a child or at least postponed the expansion for some more time. The person who asked me the question is not a mother, just that she is a couple years older to me.
The great question that haunts me now is, "What motivated you to decide upon giving birth to a child?". My dear friend who asked the question, if you are reading this, please be informed that the "haunt" word just means I am getting mature :) I know, for all the silly answers I had given you over time would have either made you gape or laugh. How I wish I knew better :) Thank you my dear friend for asking me the question, the stupid brain of me has waken up after 3 to 4 years of the question and lead to this blog.
My first answer to the question was, "My mother once asked me how nice it would be to have a small baby who looks exactly like your husband, with those big eyes of his, just imagine". She hit the nail perfectly. She knew how head over heels (mad actually) in love I was on him (it was almost 2 years into marriage). That was the very first thing that made me think of a having a child. How I wish I had known then that giving birth to a baby is a very normal thing but what comes after that is life-altering (with no offence to people who are struggling with problems in having a family, this is purely an opinion based on my experience).
People, especially elders at home make the young ones believe that having kids is as easy as a breeze. Okay, I hear voices on your mind saying what happened to my rational thinking and spending time on getting to know what it is to have a kid. Yes, I did think of our lives getting changed after a kid, however, no amount of reading and no amount of discussion would give you the real picture of the practical difficulties of having a kid actually. Though I did not buy the point, "Once children are born they will grow up in no time, it is easy", I never thought that having a kid would entirely change one's physical, emotional, mental self (especially of the mom) to a point of no return. Yes, I have changed completely as a person that I do not identify myself as the person I was before becoming a mom.
How I wish someone in the family told me this would happen, all the anxiety, all the fear, all panic, all apprehensions and second thoughts, guilt and doubt . Now, I even come to think that people who are parents already do not want to talk about these difficulties just to have a sadistic pleasure (how mean of me!! I know..). Else, they were all well meaning, in the sense, talking of such things would make us rethink our decision. Whatever, I did not have all the information I now wish I had known then.
My dear friend who asked me the most important question on parenting, I wish I knew the answer for your question at the right time :)
P.S.: After reading the post, you, the reader, may ask me, am I not happy on being a parent? Do I not live my child? My answer would be, I do. I am the most happiest person (rather happiest mommy) in the world to have got an angel as my daughter. I love her more than my life. That is what scares me as a mom. You would understand this if you are a parent, especially a mom. :)
