My Observations of Life

Imagine there is something or someone very dear to you. You love it/them so much that you think of it/ them day and night, every waking moment. Even in your sleep, you dream of it/them.  Slowly you realize that the thing or the person that/who was once dear to you now starts to become an obligation, a commitment that your brain cannot let go of.  Gradually, the joy turns into anxiety and eventually to pain.  Have you ever stopped and wondered why a thing of joy has now become your source of pain?  Okay - Let's ditch the abstract talk and get specific.  Say you are a parent. You give birth to a child.  Day 1 - The baby brings you so much joy, he/she is the purpose of your life. Year 1 - You will do anything for your child, you'll give the world or even your life if needed. Year 5 - Your child is one of the sources of your joy.  Year 10 - Yes, your child brings you happiness in life. Also, there is a tinge of fear or sadness you feel along with the love ...

This time on my trip to India, my Grandma showed me this writing pad the she had kept from our old stuff. From what is written on this, it is the writing pad I used when I was in class 8.  Haasini was so happy to see this old writing pad of her mom that she shared pictures of it with her friends. We calculated that this is 25 years old!  I shared this on my Whatsapp status. So many friends sent me several messages of nostalgia. My best friend asked me to create a permanent record of this memory on my blog and here it is - A recollection of my memories from class 8.  Friend, if you are reading this, this is for you. 8th standard was a unique year of my life. One when I learned the concept of impermanence, without actually realizing it (till now). It was a time I was lonely but independent, lost but found many of my strengths, had no friends but made some relations for life!  It was during the summer vacation of my class 7, in the year 1999, that my parents decided tha...

 I have very vivid memories of visiting the Meenakshi Amman Temple in Madurai when I was little.  I was very lucky to have grandparents who lived in the "town," near the temple. We used to walk to the temple on Fridays to worship Meenakshi. Google maps tell me that the distance from my Grandparents' place to the temple is about 2kms - which is far for a 4 to 6 year old.  As "Madurai Karanga," we are supposed to visit Meenakshi first and then Sundareswarar. That is the "Idheegam" my Grandma used to say. We never visit the Sundareswarar sannidhi first. Sometimes, we only visit Amman Sannadhi and come home! Such ardent Meenakshi fans we are 😊 As a child, one of the motivations to make the 2 + 2 km hike back & forth is the prasadam stall within the temple. I loved the appam and murukku they sold. We go to Amman sannidhi, Swami Sannidhi, say hello to the Mukkuruni Vinayagar and on the way back to Amman Sannidhi (yes, that's the be all and end all p...

 Just a little heads-up before I start a series of these posts -  I just came back from a 3-week vacation in India. The next few posts, including this one, will document my observations from my "India days."  Now to the "Immigrant child remorse" - As a son/daughter who left parents behind in India, you get to hear this a lot - "You are settled there? You left your parents back home to fend for themselves, right?"  Sometimes with a sad undertone, sometimes mocking, sometimes angry. But everyone who knows your parents and meets you on your India trip makes sure to ask this question.  Sometimes the question comes on its own - After a pause in the conversation. Sometimes, while they are talking about the good times they have with your parents, they just inject the question. Sometimes, while talking about their own kids, this question pops up.  Whatever the situation or the emotion of the question is, what could be the answer? Do you know, reader?  Have you...

I’ve lived 2 consecutive days of contradicting emotions.  Contradictions within the same day and to what extreme! 😄 First day was Friday, August 1, 2025.  Before I get into the contradiction, let me share some background on my best friend from Engineering college, V. V and I studied at the same college, got placed in Wipro together, worked on the same final project for Engineering, got trained together at work and were on bench together 😅 Those were the days, the days we forgot gender differences, the days when we shared our biggest dreams, strongest hopes, deepest fears and darkest secrets without the fear of being judged or jealousy (OMG da V, you know too much about me 😅 and vice versa).  We grew really close during our Wipro days, helping each other navigate both work and life situations. He is one of the three people in my life who are allowed to address me with a “di” (as in “ennadi pandra?”) and that is a special reservation. Our friendship also continued after ...

Logic Vs Love Practicality Vs Fantasy At times Societal Norms Vs Passion Those are the conflicts that forever exist in all of our lives.  People who can find a middle ground are the millions of ordinary people we see living on this planet. People who get to the mind side are the uber successful, wealthy people - per societal norms. People who get to the heart side are the tormented souls. Such people,      D o not have a place in the society as they do not abide by the rules posed.      Are super individualistic and self-respecting that they cannot give up on themselves by not following their heart. What does this have to do with me now?  I'm not sure.  I was thinking about the things that one cannot have (one can never have) because of so many unwritten "rules" and it led me to this.  Maybe "Things that one can never have" is another blog post for another day. 

 I am running Every minute, every day, all the time! What am I running towards? I don’t know What am I looking for? I don’t know  However, the run is only constant. Even now when I’m sitting perfectly still, I’m running -        Towards what I need         Towards what my soul needs          Towards what my whole being wants           To feel better, to feel happy, to feel alive, to be human But what is that thing that will make me feel happy?         What is that thing that will fill my heart and nourish my soul and the human in me?  I don’t know. I think that’s why the run is constant.  Running towards an unknown destination is painful 😖  The mindless chase, constant search, the forever empty void I try pouring self-care, self-love, me time, loneliness, meditation and growth into the void to see if it will fill up and make me feel better. I try d...

It's so fascinating how much a person can change in a span of 7 years!  I'd say that I've experienced the growth of all 30 years in a span of 7 years plus that of those 7 years! That's why life's been so difficult lately. There's always one thing or the other that I have to learn and there is always one level up than where I am.  It is exhausting to keep learning, keep levelling up, keep growing when you are at an age that the world thinks is "old enough." However killing this process is, I won't trade it for anything else because it is as rejuvenating and liberating as it is killing. The rebirth is so worth it.  The word "liberating" is transitioning this post to a much practical and "general world-view"  😄  Re-reading journals or any piece of your writing from the past is enlightening and embarrassing at the same time! One such posts of mine is "Letting Go." The person who wrote that post (from where I am now) has ...

One big project that I am working on, thanks to my Digital Marketing Certification course at George Brown college, is my website on Indian Regional Cinema.  What’s my story? How many movies d o you watch in a week? 1, 2, 5? I watch at least 6 movies a week. Not just for the story telling but the technicality and art. In plain words, I am a cinephile. As Bong Joon Ho said, “Once you overcome the 1-inch-tall barrier of subtitles, you will be introduced to so many more amazing films”. And I totally agree with him. I watch movies of all languages. However, I am partial to movies from India. One because I lived there for 3 decades and two just because I see that there is a dire lack of screenings for Indian Regional movies in the GTA. Pondering over the reason, I found that there is a lack of dialogue, a community or content around Indian regional movies. Of course, there is a lot on “Bollywood movies”. So, this is my passion project. I want to talk about Indian regional ci...

Liberation is to let go. Letting go of your possessions, your sentiments, your comfort zone, your control on life. No thrill equates the feeling of uncertainty, of not knowing what you are going to be doing the next minute.  It is a task for people of (even) my generation to even imagine this. I learnt this during my Canadian PR journey. When we (me and hubby) were in the process of applying for a PR, we used to get asked, "Do you have a job there?" as the first question, the next would be, "Do you have any friends / relatives there?" and then questions on house, schooling and expenditures follow. When we reply that we do not have a job yet and we are not sure of where we are going to stay, people used give a horrified stare. People are not ready to believe that we can take life as it comes. There always has to be a plan. We want to be sure of what is going to happen the next minute, hour, day, week, month and year. When someone deviates, we are seen as outlandi...

Re-reading all your draft posts are really inspiring, sometimes shocking, sometimes meh. What we write at several points in time is largely based on our experiences / imaginations we had at that time. When words fail, when you do not know what more to write, writing more helps! Read it again, how ironic, writing helps you write more. Living helps you live more? Sleeping helps you sleep more?!

Dreams are the elixir of human life. With the hope that we will be alive tomorrow, we plan today. With the hope that someone will stay true, we plan our life together. With the hope that things will happen in our favor, we make decisions. What is the seed of our hope? It is our dreams. We want to live life just as good as we imagine (our dreams). Dreams do not have a logic, do not check practicality, not even feasibility or eligibility. Dreams are above boundaries,  they are limitless, with no borders, no rules, no logic. Coming to think of hopes again, it seems hope, also to a large extent, is like dream. We do not know if our hope is baseless, still we hope. What happens if our hope gets shattered? We feel disappointed. What if it gets shattered the second time? We start doubting our hope. But the human heart is so stupid that it hopes to hope the same hope over and over and over again that it gets numb of hoping. Still it doesn't stop hoping. Why, oh, Why?! Because...

Lonely, depressed and fatigued. That is all needed for a life to go miserable. Thank you very much! Sometimes, not taking care of one's own health is the biggest crime one can commit. This is one crime that'll have a lifelong impact on others, not the one who commits it. Thank you very much! Thanks for stealing all our peace, thanks for making us wander ever depressed, thanks for letting us crave for answers to questions unanswered, thanks for frightening us now and then, thanks for leaving a big hole, thanks for making us realize that unexpressed love and affection can also hurt deep, thanks for everything, except one thing. No thanks for dying. Thank you very much! It's been very happy to hear mom talk the way she does now, feels elated to know how she thinks you treated her. May be u wanted to treat her better one day but that one day never came at all. So, thanks again for teaching the lesson, take the opportunity when it is on hand. You cud have expresse...

Hmmm.. To cheat is a great skill, coherence of lies should be maintained. To get cheated is an equal as well. Needs no talent, no brain is to the advantage of a cheater. But what do you think of someone who can cheat so intellectually. Showing that someone's a good friend, still have mal-intentions, outwardly genuine, inwardly, scared to think what this person will be inwardly! Wow! Getting cheated by someone whom you trusted is such a great feeling. Am feeling the stab for the second time in my life. Wow! It feels great, really. Each time you get stabbed, its a wow, just wow. The feelings that follow is utter horrible. But the moment of stab and the time till it gets sinked in, it is just euphoric. Out of the world, out of mind, out of the sole purpose of life. Wow! Just Wow! My dear cheater, you have won my heart in many ways than one. How coherently you have been lying to me all these days! How did you manage to not miss the continuity! How good a story did you form! And ...

I generally do not like to put up posts on my matrimonial relationship. This post is because a chain of thoughts were triggered when a couple of colleagues asked me what plans I had for the Valentine's day that just passed. Main reason for that being I had a love marriage, well I chose my partner, my valentine :) (He fought real hard to marry me <3 <3).The answer for the question was, I did not even wish my husband on the Valentine's day! Now, I was very worried at the realization, the immediate response was has the love vanished? But something said, no. Then a fleet of questions followed. What happened to the wishes? Gifts? Calling at 12 in the night (morning?!) to wish on valentine's day? Meet ups? The answer to all those questions is this post. This is more like a note-to-self kind of post :) I feel so amused when I recollect Valentine's days of the past. How we weren't able to spend any Valentine's day together before we got married :D The c...

Vacations!! Vacations are supposed to be relaxing, rejuvenating, recreating or rewinding you to the time of life you lost not so long in the plethora of life chores. If vacations happen to be just the opposite, you come back more tired and exhausted than before. I just had a vacation of the latter kind. Feeling more log-like than when I left, more tired than I was before and more irritated with the routine. One reason why it turned out sour was that it was a trip that was meant for the unmarried/ married couple and not for family with children. We visited places over places every day with little time to rest. Starting early in the mornings and ending very late in the evenings, kids you know. Now, I long for my kinda vacation. This my kinda vacation has different meanings based on the phase of life I am in. When I was unmarried, I would have just loved my recent vacation. When I got married, the recent vacation would have been ok with some amount of romance put in (this was more li...

There are three kinds of people on this earth -           Those who excel, those who don't care and then there is a whole lot of "mediocre". The first two kinds of people do not have much to worry about when it comes to anything in life. The former has it easy and the latter does not even bother. The only category that is hard-hit in any and every aspect of life is the mediocre. And this post is about          Those - who have high aspirations but do not know where to start          Those - who have great ideas but have no idea on how to turn them to reality          Those - who cannot accept going down to the don't care category          Those - who can do anything and everything to go up to the excel category but without a clue how          Those - who, every time, struggle to get things their way        ...

I read a post on writing on the Litagram page on Facebook. It read something on these lines:  "When it does not come roaring out, don't do it    When it cannot manifest itself, don't do it:. I am doing it today as it came roaring outside, it wants to manifest itself. I had the least idea of writing a blog post at 10:17 PM in the night of a working day, but the post wants to get written :) Even when I write this line, I have the least idea of what am I going to write on this post or am I going to write something at all. It is so fascinating, this writing thing! I have had some really crazy, hectic times at work. Those times made me realize several things in life. My strength, what  I am capable of, what is my actual weakness is vs. what I thought was my weakness. Most of these things came as a by product of working for KGS for a short time (no, I don't work there now). Which in turn means the realization came as a result of the interactions I had with people ...

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. What has been the aim of life of most people in my generation? There was a well-defined path in the career front paved by people who were older and we had to t ake the same. The reasons being:     1) It lead to a safe life style, a proven one with less chances to falter.     2) We were unaware of any other path or had very less knowledge to boldly venture into        one.     3) Our parents were afraid that if we do not take the used path, we may end screwing up        our lives.     4) Parents did not have the time or money to support our dreams.     5) Parents were unsure of how a job like musician or writer or instrumentalist could help          make a living.      What has our path been (at least to most of us)? We had to score h...

What happens when a girl who does not want to grow up, who does not want to get into the "adult world" (as she calls it) has to go through events like marriage and child birth? What happens if she gets called "Aunty" by other kids when within herself, she is not even mature enough to be a wife? What happens if a girl wonders at the task given to her at office - "how do they trust me with such a big responsibility?", what happens if a girl does not realize how old she is and what her responsibilities are and wonder at others of her age who act like "big" people? Have you ever heard of a girl who wonders what her own personality is when she is just about 30 years old and feels lost? Heard of a girl who is in search of who she actually is and where she lost her identity in life? Known anyone who always attributed herself with people who she is related to and not build up a character of her own? Have you been friends with a girl for whom recogni...