My Observations of Life

 I am running Every minute, every day, all the time! What am I running towards? I don’t know What am I looking for? I don’t know  However, the run is only constant. Even now when I’m sitting perfectly still, I’m running -        Towards what I need         Towards what my soul needs          Towards what my whole being wants           To feel better, to feel happy, to feel alive, to be human But what is that thing that will make me feel happy?         What is that thing that will fill my heart and nourish my soul and the human in me?  I don’t know. I think that’s why the run is constant.  Running towards an unknown destination is painful 😖  The mindless chase, constant search, the forever empty void I try pouring self-care, self-love, me time, loneliness, meditation and growth into the void to see if it will fill up and make me feel better. I try d...

It's so fascinating how much a person can change in a span of 7 years!  I'd say that I've experienced the growth of all 30 years in a span of 7 years plus that of those 7 years! That's why life's been so difficult lately. There's always one thing or the other that I have to learn and there is always one level up than where I am.  It is exhausting to keep learning, keep levelling up, keep growing when you are at an age that the world thinks is "old enough." However killing this process is, I won't trade it for anything else because it is as rejuvenating and liberating as it is killing. The rebirth is so worth it.  The word "liberating" is transitioning this post to a much practical and "general world-view"  😄  Re-reading journals or any piece of your writing from the past is enlightening and embarrassing at the same time! One such posts of mine is "Letting Go." The person who wrote that post (from where I am now) has ...

One big project that I am working on, thanks to my Digital Marketing Certification course at George Brown college, is my website on Indian Regional Cinema.  What’s my story? How many movies d o you watch in a week? 1, 2, 5? I watch at least 6 movies a week. Not just for the story telling but the technicality and art. In plain words, I am a cinephile. As Bong Joon Ho said, “Once you overcome the 1-inch-tall barrier of subtitles, you will be introduced to so many more amazing films”. And I totally agree with him. I watch movies of all languages. However, I am partial to movies from India. One because I lived there for 3 decades and two just because I see that there is a dire lack of screenings for Indian Regional movies in the GTA. Pondering over the reason, I found that there is a lack of dialogue, a community or content around Indian regional movies. Of course, there is a lot on “Bollywood movies”. So, this is my passion project. I want to talk about Indian regional ci...

Liberation is to let go. Letting go of your possessions, your sentiments, your comfort zone, your control on life. No thrill equates the feeling of uncertainty, of not knowing what you are going to be doing the next minute.  It is a task for people of (even) my generation to even imagine this. I learnt this during my Canadian PR journey. When we (me and hubby) were in the process of applying for a PR, we used to get asked, "Do you have a job there?" as the first question, the next would be, "Do you have any friends / relatives there?" and then questions on house, schooling and expenditures follow. When we reply that we do not have a job yet and we are not sure of where we are going to stay, people used give a horrified stare. People are not ready to believe that we can take life as it comes. There always has to be a plan. We want to be sure of what is going to happen the next minute, hour, day, week, month and year. When someone deviates, we are seen as outlandi...

Re-reading all your draft posts are really inspiring, sometimes shocking, sometimes meh. What we write at several points in time is largely based on our experiences / imaginations we had at that time. When words fail, when you do not know what more to write, writing more helps! Read it again, how ironic, writing helps you write more. Living helps you live more? Sleeping helps you sleep more?!

Dreams are the elixir of human life. With the hope that we will be alive tomorrow, we plan today. With the hope that someone will stay true, we plan our life together. With the hope that things will happen in our favor, we make decisions. What is the seed of our hope? It is our dreams. We want to live life just as good as we imagine (our dreams). Dreams do not have a logic, do not check practicality, not even feasibility or eligibility. Dreams are above boundaries,  they are limitless, with no borders, no rules, no logic. Coming to think of hopes again, it seems hope, also to a large extent, is like dream. We do not know if our hope is baseless, still we hope. What happens if our hope gets shattered? We feel disappointed. What if it gets shattered the second time? We start doubting our hope. But the human heart is so stupid that it hopes to hope the same hope over and over and over again that it gets numb of hoping. Still it doesn't stop hoping. Why, oh, Why?! Because...

Lonely, depressed and fatigued. That is all needed for a life to go miserable. Thank you very much! Sometimes, not taking care of one's own health is the biggest crime one can commit. This is one crime that'll have a lifelong impact on others, not the one who commits it. Thank you very much! Thanks for stealing all our peace, thanks for making us wander ever depressed, thanks for letting us crave for answers to questions unanswered, thanks for frightening us now and then, thanks for leaving a big hole, thanks for making us realize that unexpressed love and affection can also hurt deep, thanks for everything, except one thing. No thanks for dying. Thank you very much! It's been very happy to hear mom talk the way she does now, feels elated to know how she thinks you treated her. May be u wanted to treat her better one day but that one day never came at all. So, thanks again for teaching the lesson, take the opportunity when it is on hand. You cud have expresse...